On my Sister’s Engagement

Hello everyone! My name is Teresa. I’m Selina’s older sister and Matron of Honor. First, I just want to say how happy I am that we have all just witnessed this truly beautiful sacrament of Holy Matrimony between Selina and Andrew. And I have just one thing to say about it… FINALLY.

In all seriousness, though, this has been a long journey.  Selina was saying that as of yesterday, she and Andrew had been engaged for seventeen months.  Now, I know that they didn’t necessarily plan their engagement this way, and it’s been difficult for them to wait so long to finally be married.  But I just want to say that it has been one of the most beautiful engagements I’ve ever witnessed.

I was blessed enough to move home just a couple months before Selina and Andrew were engaged, so I was able to be there—and to be with Selina—for much more of it than I would have otherwise. As Selina’s older sister, I can say that she and Andrew both have grown so much these past seventeen months, and I want to tell you all about a few of the virtues that I’ve witnessed in their engagement—that I know now are going to be hallmarks of an amazing marriage.

I think the first big challenge in Selina and Andrew’s engagement came the spring after Andrew proposed, when they decided it would be best for Andrew to take an opportunity to work and teach with a school in Urbil, Iraq.  I remember Selina coming into my room shortly after they’d made the decision, and she was just crying.  At first I thought she was crying because it would be so hard for her to be away from Andrew.  But in fact, Selina was crying from joy! Because she was grateful for the opportunity, because she was grateful for Andrew’s courage in taking the position, and because she was filled with an unexpected peace that they would emerge from that challenge all the stronger.

It was beautiful to see Selina’s faith in that moment—faith in God, in Andrew, and in their relationship.  In that moment, my little sister’s maturity and self-sacrifice amazed me.

And then, as you all know, Andrew was accepted into Officer Candidate School midway through his time in Iraq.  And he and Selina made another difficult decision: for him to come back, go to Rhode Island, and commit to the U.S. Navy. One of the biggest challenges that came with that decision was that the timing of this whole wedding was thrown into complete turmoil.  As was mentioned last night at the rehearsal dinner several times, both Selina and Andrew are planners. Andrew’s being in the US Navy made it really difficult for them to begin to plan either this wedding or the rest of their lives together.

But again, I witnessed Selina rise to the occasion with so much sweetness and grace.  You all should have seen her in the months leading up to this day. Her concern with the material details of planning a wedding sort of fell away, and she told me, “I don’t care.  I just want to be married.” I admire so much Selina’s ability, amidst the stress of planning a wedding (not to mention being IN SCHOOL), to focus on what really matters. Because your marriage is your vocation.  It is THE MOST important thing that God has put in either of your lives.  Everything else is secondary. And you have both shown that you understand that.

Andrew, I am so happy to welcome you into our family.  Because I see these things about Selina—that she is selfless and faithful and sweet and gracious—but I think you see them even more.  You see that you are the luckiest man in the world, because you could not ask for a better wife.

And Andrew, I want to tell you one more thing that I think you know: Selina is so proud of you. She is so proud, that I am sometimes embarrassed to take her out in public because I know as soon as I turn my back she’ll start talking to a complete stranger about you and your accomplishments, and this day, the day she gets to be married to you.  You deserve that pride she has in you.

This has been a long journey for you both.  But you have shown that you have faith in God, you have faith in each other, you can roll with the punches and you can come up with the knowledge of what is most important in life.  You are going to have an exceptional marriage, and I could not be more proud.

Congratulations Selina and Andrew.  Many blessings for a beautiful marriage and life together.  I love you.

Dear Rachel, APRIL FOOLS! Sincerely, The Universe.

By Rachel

I feel the need to explain, all of the following occurred today. Before noon.

1. After vacuuming, I was (very maturely) emptying the dust off my porch when a gust of wind blew the lovely ALLERGEN FILLED DUST directly back into my left eye.

3.) Needless to say, the eye promptly turned red and the lid swelled almost shut.

(Like this only way less cute and way more swollen… but I did totally make this face.)

4.) Undeterred by this failed attempt at adulthood, I continued to clean my apartment. I even cut my expired drivers license in half, threw it out, and took the bag down to the dumpster.

5.) When I returned to organize my wallet , I suddenly realized that I had in fact thrown away my VALID license.

6.) I ran down to to the dumpster. Which had already been emptied.

7. ) Again, VERY MATURELY, I rushed (carefully) to the DMV to get a replacement license before I had to leave town at 2:30 for the next 3 days.

8. ) After waiting an hour and a half, I got a new license! Unfortuately, in order to do so, the DMV lady insisted that I replace my perfectly passable ID picture with a NEW ID picture.

WITHOUT: makeup, clean hair, clean face, smile, soul, etc.

WITH: (the lovely accessories every girl needs) one swollen pink eye, 3 large pimples, and one particularly surly expression.

(IMAGE WITHELD FOR VIEWER’S SANITY. You might find it too funny. Or terrible. I’m not sure.)

 

9.) As I signed the temporary document, I realized what today’s date was….

APRIL. FREAKING. FOOLS. 

I could choose to think that this all occurred because the universe hates me. Instead, I choose to believe that the Universe finds my attempts at adulthood FREAKING HILARIOUS.

Well played, Universe. Well played.

Happy Easter (in a limestone landscape)

Obviously, it’s been a while. Again.

I meant to post a lot through Lent. Mostly about how much I suck at lent. And apparently at blogging consistently. 

That apparently did not happen. Still this is the Resurrection Day! So I will keep it short:

This is the last chunk of my favorite poem (of all time) by W.H.Auden.

“In Praise of Limestone”

They were right, my dear, all those voices were right 
And still are; this land is not the sweet home that it looks, 
Nor its peace the historical calm of a site 
Where something was settled once and for all: A back ward 
And dilapidated province, connected 
To the big busy world by a tunnel, with a certain 
Seedy appeal, is that all it is now? Not quite: 
It has a worldy duty which in spite of itself 
It does not neglect, but calls into question 
All the Great Powers assume; it disturbs our rights. The poet, 
Admired for his earnest habit of calling 
The sun the sun, his mind Puzzle, is made uneasy 
By these marble statues which so obviously doubt 
His antimythological myth; and these gamins, 
Pursuing the scientist down the tiled colonnade 
With such lively offers, rebuke his concern for Nature’s 
Remotest aspects: I, too, am reproached, for what 
And how much you know. Not to lose time, not to get caught, 
Not to be left behind, not, please! to resemble 
The beasts who repeat themselves, or a thing like water 
Or stone whose conduct can be predicted, these 
Are our common prayer, whose greatest comfort is music 
Which can be made anywhere, is invisible, 
And does not smell. In so far as we have to look forward 
To death as a fact, no doubt we are right: But if 
Sins can be forgiven, if bodies rise from the dead, 
These modifications of matter into 
Innocent athletes and gesticulating fountains, 
Made solely for pleasure, make a further point: 
The blessed will not care what angle they are regarded from, 
Having nothing to hide. Dear, I know nothing of 
Either, but when I try to imagine a faultless love 
Or the life to come, what I hear is the murmur 
Of underground streams, what I see is a limestone landscape.

 

HAPPY EASTER, Y’ALL!  (If you want, I can explain why this is the quintessential Easter poem to me, but for now, I will let Auden and Our Risen Lord speak for themselves.)

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen!” (Lk 24:5-6)

Temptations of Teaching: STOP BEING WRONG AND LISTEN TO ME!

By Rachel

Today, I had the extrovert’s greatest joy: a day full of meaningful connections after a FREAKING DESERT OF AT HOME ALONE SICKLINESS.

It was awesome.

Anyways, this brought me to a few observations about teen dating practices, based on the comments some of my students were making about Pride and Prejudice in relation to their lives. Here are my observations:

1. Girls do this stupid thing where we imagine things into existence until forced to acknowledge the passive rejection that is “He is not asking me out.” This is bad.
2. Boys do this stupid thing where they pretend that things didn’t exist in order to side-step the sensation of actual rejection that is “No. I do not want to date you.” This is also bad.

So what do you (or as it happens, I, their teacher) tell teenagers who are participating in or are victimized by one  of these two very stupid things…besides: stop doing that, it’s dumb.

I ask because I really don’t know. On the girl side, I have an easier time imagining what to say. I could say, “Oooh. I’ve done that. And you won’t believe me, but the just imagining thing is not only a bad and unhealthy thing to do. It is also kindof a sin. No really.”

On the guy side, I mostly want to say, “Stoppit. This does not make you look cool or mature. It makes you look like a 5-year-old throwing a temper-tantrum. Or an ostrich (head in the sand and all that jazz).”

Neither of these is particularly teacher-y. Nor does either respect the prerogative of teenagers to do stupid (and hopefully harmless) stuff and (DEAR GOD, I REALLY HOPE!) learn from it. This is the problem with teaching. Freaking boundaries and freaking knowing that some of the crap that your students do is idiotic… and or damaging.

Right now I am settling for vague statements about literary figures: “Look, isn’t it stupid when Mr. Collins won’t take no for an answer, and then tries to think of Lizzy as less worthy to convince himself that the rejection isn’t that bad. Doesn’t he seem immature!” or “Look, isn’t Caroline Bingley, by reading the second half-of Mr. Darcy’s novel in order to make it seem like they are on the same page, a little bit pathetic and begging for a heartbreak. ISN’T SHE!?!”

Not that these behaviors are limited to teenagers. Nope. No, they are not. So, I can tell you (and through this, my future self) that both of these behaviors are BAD. Reality is good. And difficult. And good… That’s what I am sticking with.

Spiritual Warfare of Valentine’s Day: The Lie of Specialness

BY Rachel

Does anyone remember that Drew Barrymore movie, Never Been Kissed? In it, she plays (apparently) the ONLY fully grown adult who has ever made it to maturity with the crippling deformity of never being kissed. This (of course) means that she becomes a crazy, grammar-obsessed, crocheting, cat-lady with bad hair, who is weirdly interested in the lives of teenagers.

For the visual confirmation of her specialness.

I freaking hate that movie. It is a parade of awkwardness from start to finish, complete with 90s fashion. And in my weaker moments, I become convinced that it will be my life… MINUS the Romantic Comedy ending. 

I become absolutely certain that I will be the ONE PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE who will NEVER be in a serious, long-term, marriage-destinationed relationship. (Fortunately for me I have been kissed. In my most psychotic moments, that convinces me that I won’t be a cat-lady or have bad hair. That leaves me with crazy, grammar-obsessed, crocheting, and being too aware of the teenaged relationships around me.)

Three down. Just need to learn to crochet.

Anyways, why am I sharing this?

Here is the list:

1. Because this week is Valentine’s Day.
2. Because a statistically improbable percentage of my friends are dating, engaged, married, pregnant, and/or have babies.
3. Because I am teaching Pride and Prejudice to a group of 11^th graders who are simultaneously relationship hyper-active and relationship challenged.
4. Because ALL of my students are obsessed with my relationship status and ask about it weekly.
5. Because today was World Marriage Day, so the homily centered on that particular vocation.
6. Because my roommate has taken to sharing (frequently and in alternation) a list of her prospective suitors and her extreme romantic woe.
7. 
   Because I am lonely.
8. MOST IMPORTANTLY: Because I am pattern obsessed and convinced that all of these things are some combination of God’s will and the devil screwing with me via Spiritual Warfare.(I never really used to think about Spiritual Warfare. Until Reesa. And Jennifer Fulwiller. I really like the idea. It means that when I am a raging psycho, there are actual evil things attacking my psyche, and apparently I am confrontational enough that this idea gives me a reason to fight back.)My current battle is the battle of Special Loneliness and Suffering. Basically, the devil tries to convince me that I am alone. That I need to lie so that people don’t discover the awful truth. That I am the one  broken never-dating girl in the world. That NO ONE has ever been as lonely as I am. That NO ONE has ever been as pathetic and undateable. That NO ONE can understand. That I am Specially Doomed.

If it sounds dumb, that is because it is. As an antidote to this ham-handed but wildly effective assault on my soul, here is some “Fight Club”:

“Listen up, maggots. You are not special.

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.

You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”

Harsh? Yes. But I am pretty sure that the principle holds. I think that one of the greatest lies that the Devil has come up with is that suffering makes us special. 

 I wrote this post, because I am not. AND I AM SO GLAD! My loneliness is not special. My sinfulness is not special. My suffering is NOT SPECIAL. 

Christ died on the Cross, saying:

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

In that moment suffering and loneliness were transfigured into the great and beautiful points of connection between people. Even if I am the only person in the world who never has a date on Valentine’s Day. Even if God’s will is for me to spend the rest of my life teaching high school students about healthy relationships without ever having one myself. Even if I watch every last one of my friends and roommates fall in love, while I do not. Even IF…

My suffering is still not special.

He shared every moment of it. I am not alone and neither are you.

Happy Valentine’s Week, y’all! If there is someone who is fighting the same spiritual battle as I am: REMEMBER, not dating does not necessarily lead to lonely cat-lady-hood.  We can be crazy dog-ladies together! 

Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 4?)

By Reesa

Linking up with the reality T.V. star Jennifer Fulwiler for another EXCITING episode of Quick Takes Friday!!!

— 1 —

First, I’m sorry, but we need to talk about fashion. Specifically my fashion. And my baggage.  Not literal, but emotional.  Emotional fashion baggage.  Why do you read this blog again?

I have been suffering from sort of FASHION BUG lately where I find myself making OBJECTIVELY BAD fashion choices WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT I AM MAKING THEM.

This is an amazing phenomenon! I have never HEARD of this before! Allow me to elaborate! My two favorite things to wear lately have been: printed tops and graphic tees.

GRAPHIC TEES PEOPLE.

— 2 —

Exhibit A:

My favorite shirt right now. There was about a month there when I wore it almost every day. Also, that happened to my first month as a married woman. No wait I wore it during the final stages of wedding planning too.  Two months!!

The shirt that I’m not allowing myself to buy. Because it’s RIDICULOUS. How could I go out in public in that? People will think that I think I am America’s dream girl!?! I would rationalize and say to myself, “Oh this? I’m just going to buy this to wear around the house!” but guess what? THAT’S WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE FIRST SHIRT.

Exhibit B: Printed Tops

I don’t know which is these two exhibits is more embarrassing. This latter trend is actually something we typically go through at, I don’t know, FIVE AND UNDER.

Don’t know if you can tell (which possibly mitigates the fact) but the top shirt has hearts all over it. While I desperately want to buy it to wear on Valentine’s Day I already bought a dress with hearts all over it, and I cannot justify having TWO heart-covered articles of clothing in my wardrobe. I just can’t.

The butterfly shirt may happen.

— 3 —

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

I really don’t know. Very rarely in my life have I made such poor decisions. However, I think it is a POSSIBILITY that my emotional fashion baggage stems from my recent transition into married life and that I am in some sense mourning my childhood/lost youth. Or I just hang out with a baby for way too many of my waking hours. Or this is The Next Big Thing and nobody knows it but my subconscious.

— 4 —

Phew, glad I got that off my chest. Honestly that’s the only thing I wanted to say in this post though. I just strung it out for three posts. I could probably string it out for seven. But nobody wants that.

I would spend the next three posts writing very important and deep things. Sadly, the baby will soon awaken. That baby being: not mine and Dan’s, but belonging to different parentage entirely, and entrusted to us for her health and well-being this weekend and none other.

So important things will have to

— 5 —

Last night I had a dream that Rachel dyed her hair blue. Then I woke up and remembered… that Rachel DID do that once! Our senior year of high school! Remember that Rachel?!

Not a good look for you if I recall.

BUT your hair just on its very own is an extremely gorgeous blonde.

— 6 —

One week from today is a very very special day. Two weeks from today is even more special. Those days are: my birthday and then Rachel’s. Rachel’s being second. Mine being first. Rachel’s mother being pregnant for one more week after the aforementioned myself had exited the womb. Reesa being the elder, and Rachel the younger, of the two Rs.

Which seems as good an excuse as any to post these gems, garnered somewhere along the way during the last TEN YEARS of friendship.

High school theaterrrrr

New Years…. 2008?

Assississi

Photographic evidence that I went to Les Miserables with her YEARS BEFORE THAT BLOG POST.

My face represents how we feel about camping; Rachel’s how we feel about not-camping

Bridesmaidin with the seesters

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

Six groundhogs together… yay?

Arm-in-arm after the worst fight of either of our existences

And pulled from the archives, our Disney Princess themed joint-sixteenth birthday party. Which may quite possibly still be the best birthday party I have ever had.

— 7 —

In the spirit of full disclosure I am channeling BooMama in my blog voice right now. A) because that’s how you develop your blog voice: imitate away and see what STICKS. B) Because she is HILARIOUS. C) In a shameless attempt to make Meredith read my blog more.

Also in the spirit of full disclosure, there will never be full disclosure on this blog. Ever. Ever ever. I have got to preserve my sense of mystery.

xoxo

Reesa

Things My Students say…

I love teaching. I mean I really love teaching.

Except on the days when I don’t. I have had a couple of those days in the past week or so.

I don’t have a good solution for this or a grace-filled perspective on the problem yet, so I would really appreciate any prayers that you have to offer on the subject. In the meantime, here are some things my students have said to me that have made not laughing VERY DIFFICULT:

1. (Confusedly, after I handed them a hand-annotated-by-me-in-one-night script, notes packet, and schedule of grades for the Macbeth segment so that they don’t have to use the stupid text book.) Ms. Davies…. you really think! Are you on crack?
2. Would you like me to buy you a gun?
3. You go, girl!
4. How many words are in a sentence?
5. Wait, Huck isn’t black?
6. So… you have gold eyes, and you look really young, but you know everything… are you a vampire? (This, by the way, is the worst compliment I have ever received.)
7. Wait, so let me get this straight: Hester Jester was married to (in a British accent) Chillingworth (in American accent) but then she hooked up with Dimwit and had Rose. I mean Pearl. I mean Rose. What’s her name? Can we go outside?
8. So adverbs modify verbs? (This is a 10^th grader.)
9. Me: What do you care about?

   Student: Basketball.

   Me: And?

   Student: Nothing. Well, reading basketball stats. Does that count?

10. Student: I don’t like Pride and Prejudice. Can we read something with dragons again? I liked Beowulf. And Macbeth.

    Me: Macbeth doesn’t have dragons.

    Student: Really? Oh. Nevermind.

11. Me: I won’t be here on Friday, so you will be writing your in-class-essays for a substitute.

    Student 1: Where are you going? Are you getting married?

    Student 2: No! She doesn’t have a ring.

    Student 3: Are you having a baby?

    Student 2: What did I just say, stupid?!

    Student 1: It could happen…

    Student 3: Well, she’s gonna get engaged soon. I can tell.

    Me: EXCUSE ME!

    Student 1: Wait, we have to write an essay on Friday?

    (We write in-class-essays EVERY Friday. We have written one every Friday since the beginning of the year.)

12. Student: I think that Twain is imitating Emily Dickinson in this passage!

    Me: I had never noticed that. I think you’re right. Good eye! That is definitely an allusion.

    Student: You mean it’s an easter egg, Ms. Davies.

    Me:… No…

OK, so that is it for now. Pray for me. Laugh at me. Enjoy the mirth that my students share with me daily… mostly unintentionally.